Week 9 Power Rankings

1.

She Tuten on my Chest

Gentlemen and Avery, we have a new top dog. 

2.

Nico De Gallo

Look we knew this team wasn’t built for the long run. Now with Lamar potentially out forever how far will this team fall? Sexy T thinks this GM needs to make some moves before the deadline. 

3.

🎱’s Last Ride

This club is on a nice three game winning streak. Tee Higgins and JSN are doing the lords work for our one nut phenom. 

4.

Ridgeway Childcare Fund

This team is slipping down the rankings but there’s still hope. Need to string together a winning streak to feel good about this team though. 

5.

BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

Not to disrespect Jayden Daniels but I can’t get this team to the top four. They did add some new players via two trades and we shall see how those players with the change of scenery before we judge.

6.

Put it in her MUUUUUTH

Change your damn name you had Muth for less than a week before you foolishly cut him. 

7.

I’m in Love w the Coker

Finally made a move for a running back but with Breece returning it may have not been the best move. Still didn’t have to give up much so it’s worth the risk.

8.

I chase brown kids

Another team that needs to change their name. Now 3-5, still very much in the race but my comments in earlier rankings about this team just being the unluckiest this year remains true. 

9.

McConkey Tonkin’ 

The most average team in the league they have not lost two in a row and they haven’t won two in a row either. I do like adding Jaylen Warren to this team but Henry and Bijan’s struggles have not allowed this team to be as good as they should be.

10.

SumTing Wong

Still on the rise??

11.

Sad and Gay

After almost completely revamping the roster is it too little too late? Probably. 

12

Penn State Nittany Lions

Big win this week and they may move out of last place next week!

Week 8 Power Rankings

1.

Nico De Gallo

I can’t drop a team that’s been putting up 150 a week after one loss. However, it was a tough way to lose. Outside of Amon Ra no one on the team showed up and I expect the manager to do absolutely nothing about it. 

2.

She Tuten on my Chest

I can no longer use this teams owner being gay as a dig even though it’s true. This team is straight up good and they are catching the team above them at a good time. Perhaps they take the pound for pound #1 ranking next week?

3.

Ridgeway Childcare Fund

Bounce back win after a disappointing previous week. Now the team with the most points but somehow only 4-3. This club may have some dumb losses but they will be present in the late stretch of the season. 

4.

🎱’s Last Ride

Big time win for this team. Put Kamish back in his place where he belongs. Now a huge matchup awaits them this week with our 3rd ranked team should be plenty of fireworks. 

5.

McConkey Tonkin’

The two RBs and Matthew Golden have been holdin it down for this team. It absolutely helps that they have only had 794 points against. They need to make a move for another WR but unlikely they pull the trigger. 

6.

I chase brown kids

The only team with 1000 points against but somehow they are only 3-4. The WR room looks like a mess but maybe Omar Cooper can continue to ball out. 

7.

I’m in Love w the Coker

WR room is great but they should really consider sacrificing some of that room to get a high caliber RB. I believe that would get this team to a better place.

8.

BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

Mid

9.

Put it in her MUUUUUTH

One of our worst championship defenses? Might need to look at the record books. Either way this team smells like a fart.

Bottom feeders

10.

Sad and Gay

Patiently waiting for players to come back from injury. They will not make a difference because they’re all schmucks.  

11.

SumTing Wong

On the rise?

12.

Penn State Nittany Lions

Dead

Week 7 Power Rankings

1.

Nico De Gallo

This club can’t be stopped right now. Another team is actively praying players like Kenneth Walker and Christian Watson have devastating injuries to slow this club down. 

2.

Ridgeway Childcare Fund

Their record doesn’t reflect their ranking. This ball club is still second in points just unfortunately also second in points against. Now losing Davante Adams could really hurt this team in the long run, but for now they remain near the top of the league. 

3.

She Tuten on my Chest

Overrated? Yes. 5-1? Also yes. It really comes down to this team being incredibly lucky in their matchups. Will teams continue to piss down their leg when they play this club?

4.

🎱’s Last Ride

Got back in the win column last week against an injured squad, but a win is a win. Now 3-3 sitting in the middle of the playoff race and they should feel confident as they are the 4th highest scoring team. This team is healthy and if that remains they can make a deep run.

5.

I’m in Love w the Coker

With Coker’s return and the rise of Germie Bernard this team has a lot of good depth at WR. RB is still a concern but that hasn’t held this team back yet. Josh Allen and Ja’Marr Chase can carry.

6.

BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

Abusing their power to play other teams on their worst weeks. We are on to you. 

7.

I chase brown kids

Unfortunately just the unluckiest club this year. There’s always that one team that’s top 5 in points for and first in points against. I can’t put them lower than 7th because they still have a good chance of getting to the post season. However if they continue to be this unlucky they may end up winning the toilet bowl. 

8.

Put it in her MUUUUUTH

Still trending up sadly. 

9.

McConkey Tonkin’

Ladd dead? Henry showing his age? This club is trending in the wrong direction, and although they are still in the playoff hunt they may need to make some moves. Maybe a trade to help this team? Perhaps they panic and sell the whole roster? 

10.

Harrison my ball

Injuries have been hampering this club. Even with those players returning it’s still bleak looking forward. 

11.

SumTing Wong

Not much to say really. 2nd to last in points and it doesn’t look like that will change.

12.

Penn State Nittany Lions

Looks like this club is getting back DeVonta Smith and Saquon Barkley but at 1-5 it would take a miracle and a different QB to make a late season push. 

Week 6 Power Rankings

Tier of their own

1. Nico De Gallo

Had a down week and still won with ease. Now 5-0, our only hope is he accidentally drops a couple players while on a drunken bender.

2. Ridgeway Childcare Fund

Took his most recent victim and stuffed their head into a toilet while he power thrusted his rod into the poor boys innocence. Most points in the league just pulling their meat out every week. 

Good maybe Great

3. She Tuten on my Chest

Unfortunately a really good team.

4. I Chase Brown Kids

Just a solid ass team that can compete with the top dogs and beat the hell out of the future toilet bowl teams.

5. McConkey Tonkin'

I hate this team, make a trade you buffoon.

6. 🎱's Last Ride

Falling this far from last week's spot might be an overreaction but when JSN doesn't go nuclear this team looks pedestrian.

Fighting for 7th

7. BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

Unfortunately moving up.

8. I'm in love w the Coker

Hailee’s Husband is still awesome and Ja’Marr is Ja’Marr. This team needs to address the RB position to be able to compete for a playoff spot in my humble opinion. 

9. Put it in her MUUUUUTH

REALLY unfortunate they are moving up.

Buttcheeks

10. Keaton Butker

Jaylen Warren is like Jon Snow in the Battle of the Bastards, willing to take on an entire army by himself. Hopefully Tetairoa and Breece show up to help like the Knights of the Vale did for Jon.

11. SumTing Wong

Justin Jeffeerson back to normal?

12. Penn State Nittany Lions

Tough to compete when all your players are dying and Jalen Hurts is becoming a bad fantasy QB... kinda sad to watch.

Week 5 Power Rankings

1. Nico De Gallo

Another week another commanding victory for this team. Although they played a beat up team they did not take it easy and won by a mere 74 points. Now 4-0 heading into the start of bye weeks could this team have a real chance at an undefeated regular season?? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though the real meat of the season is upon us.

2. 🎱's Last Ride

Another week another 160+ point week from this team. Consistency is key for this game and this team has it in spades. They will miss Patrick Mahomes this week to bye but that shouldn’t be a big deal. Who’s going to stop the one ball wonder??

3. Ridgeway Childcare Fund

This team had a little bit of a down week from their big time horses but Kyren Williams gave a phenomenal effort to keep the score respectable. Although they scored nearly 145 points they just ran into a giant Hoagie of a gay man. No need to panic. 

4. She Tuten on my Chest

This team is trending up! Adding Ceedee and Chubby has got this team to 3-1 and in 2nd place. Great matchup with 🎱’s Last Ride coming up next on the schedule I think we call this VTG’s Game of the Week.

5. How I Metcalf Your Mother

Always tough to win when Josh Allen only gives you 20 points and Ja’Marr Chase is nearly decapitated on live TV but this team drudged out the W. Now in a tie for second at 3-1 this team is looking at a battle with Nico De Gallo in week 5 hopefully Ja’Marr is a go and we get a good matchup.

6. I Chase Brown Kids

Great bounce back win after two high scoring losses. This team has been lighting up the score board and outside of Mitsubishi Marv having to start this team is solid. 

7. McConkey Tonkin'

This team is frustrating and the GM putting damn near every player on the trading block shows that. Henry and Bijan are a great foundation and Bryce Young has solidified himself a relevant starter. What this team can’t figure out is the WR group. Golden has been decent but outside of him? McConkey? Dead. DJ Moore? Should be dead. Josh Downs? More like Down syndrome. I suspect a few trade offers sent out soon from this team. 

Teams ranked in the top 6 are really interchangeable at the moment. Every one of them has shown they can score 150+ consistently and have the star players these next five teams are lacking. Now we get into the less than desirables.

8. Hog in her Butker

Tetairoa McMillan you sexy Samoan son of a bitch I love you! This team looks like it will be on roller coaster all season. Hopefully it’s building to a late peak before inevitable crashing on the descent killing all involved. Breece you’re welcome back in the lineup whenever you feel okay.

9. BROCK5 5UPER BOWERS

1-3 who would have thought we’d be here. Oh wait I did! Janiel Dones was not the answer at QB sadly. Thus GM is begging for Jayden Daniels to return but I’m not certain that alone can help this roster make a playoff push. The panic trades will be sent soon.

10. Put it in her MUUUUUTH

"Okay now the tuxedos seem kinda fucked up". Don't trade your two best players away kids.

11. Penn State Nittany Lions

This team was riding on Saquan being great again and there's been flashes of vintage Barkley but overall the eagles have just been disappointing.

12. SumTing Wong

It was a fun week but we are relying on entirely too many white players on this team. Ill pray for you brother.

Week 4 Power Rankings

1. Nico De Gallo

The lone 3-0 team and most points scored is this team a juggernaut? Will it last? I hope not 

2. Ridgeway Childcare Fund

After a rough week one this team has pulled their cock out the last two weeks and beat their opponents over the head with it. Gibbs is on a tear and until he simmers down this team will be very hard to beat.

3. 🎱’s Last Ride

I said once this team gets in the win column they will shoot up this list and here we are. Look we knew this team was stacked JSN leads the entire league in points. We just had to make sure this wasn’t the bad luck team they like 3rd in points but 1st in points against which is currently true. However this team is averaging 154 PPG that will be incredibly hard to lose if that keeps up. 

4. I chase brown kids

Having every player except two score 12+ will get you a win most weeks but this team happened to run into the wagon just edging them out for 3rd in the power rankings. Down week from Jonathan Taylor is really the only reason they lost look for them to get back into the win column this week. 

5. She Tuten on my Chest

Tough loss to a bad team this week but still put up a decent score. Adding Ceedee really gave this homo some stability at WR next to Olave. Great duo to have for a late season push when the time comes. 

6. McConkey Tonkin'

With Bijan and Derrick Henry this team will be a tough out every week. 

7. How I Metcalf Your Mother

Tough loss to the team in 6th even if Love was in it wouldn’t have mattered. However, Josh Allen had probably his worst game of the season and I expect a bounce back next week. 

8. BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

This team is heavily reliant on New York Jets and bc of that they can’t be any higher than this. Brock is cool though.

9. Stinky

After the dust settle on what looked like a catastrophic weekend there’s still some good things to look forward to here. (It’s over)

10. Put it in her MUUUUUTH

This team desperately needs Puka to come back from Australia and be 2025 Puka. 

11. Penn State Nittany Lions

This team has good players they just haven’t put it together yet. If the Eagles can figure it out this team could be sneaky but that seems unlikely. 

12. SumTing Wong

Great win in week two followed up by a sad performance. The good news is you can blame it on Justin Jefferson who is gunna be a 6th rounder next year. 

Week 3 Power Rankings

1. Nico De Gallo

Highest scoring team in the league through two weeks. let’s see how long this last.

2. How I Metcalf your Mother

Josh Allen

3. Ridgeway Childcare Fund

Bounced back after a rough week one with a MONSTEROUS game absolutely raping Matthew’s squad. Should be a lot of that from this team going forward. 

4. I chase brown kids

If they played anyone else this team would be 2-0 but it just so happens they played the team ranked one spot ahead of them. Replacing Chase Brown with CMC should make this team even more potent. Time for a name change

5. She Tuten on my Chest

This team had a huge week with four players going over 20 points and now they add Ceedee Lamb. This team could be trouble.

6. Staind

This team is mid 

7. SumTing Wong

Huge win over the Kamish has this team feeling nicey! 

8. 🎱’s Last Ride

This team will catapult up this list as soon as they start winning but for now it seems luck is not on their side. 

9. McConkey Tonkin’

This team had a massive week one W but following that up with 77 points is a hard pill to swallow. Look for them to bounce back if they handle the receivers correctly. 

10. BROCK5 5UPER BOWER5

This guys gunna have a fire sale after week 3 I just know it but there ain’t much to buy. They did upgrade at WR but at the cost of losing CMC doesn’t seem like a great deal in the moment

11. Put it in her MUUUUUTH

Second lowest in points and they traded away their best player for a decent Jimmy Cook the second??? We shall see how this pans out in future rankings. 

12. Penn State Nittany Lions

It’s rough man. 

Week 3 Power Rankings

1. Team Kylermudger

The best draft of starters out of all the teams. Win now approach with some decent youngins and two stud QBs. The RBs are old as hell and will need to be addressed in the near future but this is a championship team right now 

2. Team TrevorH7

The best draft of starters out of all the teams. Win now approach with some decent youngins and two stud QBs. The RBs are old as hell and will need to be addressed in the near future but this is a championship team right now 

3. We're Going To Touch You

Drafted pretty well and has a solid team top to bottom. A few homer cowboy pickups that will never see the field but we all have some of those. 

4. Team ajlongstreth

This roster is filled to the brim with a mix of just about everything. If Fernando is the truth this team will be nicey.

5. Put it in her Muuuuth 2.0

All around decent team. With plenty of Josh Allen's prime left he will have this team high in points every year.

6. Team Neuby10

This roster is filled to the brim with a mix of just about everything. If Fernando is the truth this team will be nicey.

7. Ridgeway Family Buttplug

Not a bad team👍

8. Team Jmotter28

Got some good athletes and outside Montgomery and Stafford the stars are young. Should be very competitive long term. 

9. Team Taylorwltrs

Got some good athletes and outside Montgomery and Stafford the stars are young. Should be very competitive long term. 

10. Team Thilverthurfer

The QBs are a weak spot but the skill players have some decent names. Points are a struggle right now but they should be better once the season really gets going. Maybe. 

11. Piss City Girthmen

The QBs are a weak spot but the skill players have some decent names. Points are a struggle right now but they should be better once the season really gets going. Maybe. 

12. She Tuten on my Dart

Dog shit team right now but there’s plenty of young talent to be hopeful. Maybe in 5-7 years just maybe they can be a playoff team.